Lessons from the mountains

The month in the mountains was an experience that will always hold a special place in my heart. Being immersed in such a uniquely beautiful way of living taught me so much - not just about the logistics of life off-grid, or the technicalities of construction work. It also taught me about community, slowing down and a lot of things about myself and the ways in which my brain works. ’Soak up every moment, every sunrise, every strange street - let it shape you in all the best ways’ - these were the words my friend said to me before I left and whilst I wouldn’t describe the trip as completely life changing, I know that every high and every low served a purpose to deepen the relationship I have with myself and the world around me. Now I’m back, I wanted to sit down and have a moment of reflection for the experience that was once impossible to me and tell you all the lessons I have learnt from the mountains…

Starting off strong - anything is possible. I recognise that this is a very cliche term, but seeing it in action is very different to reading it on a Pinterest board. See, the host I stayed with, the community of others living off grid, their lifestyle was something that took hard work and dedication to achieve. Through continuously showing up and the dedication to their dreams, what had once been a patch of land in the middle of nowhere had been crafted into a place to call home. These people weren’t construction workers by trade, but they researched, they saved up the funds, they put the effort in - because they had a dream. Knowing that made the area a bajillion times more magnificent. Even on a personal level, I showed myself the power of perseverance. I had never

chopped wood or made cement, I’d never started fires from scratch and I had no clue how to cook vegan food (I still don’t really). Finishing books was never on my radar - as was living without Monster energy drinks - but I did it, and so much more. The saying - ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way’ was shown throughout this trip.

Following on from that, I learnt that the things that seem necessary, can be lived without, and sometimes that’s for the better. Hot water was fuelled by handmade fire, as was warmth in general, electricity was powered by the sun and the toilet was a shack with a seat and a hole in the ground, and whilst they may have not been the most convenient - I was full of thanks when I had warmth and hot water because I’d had to work for these things. They weren’t just instantaneous. Before going away, dinner was always eaten at 10pm infront of the TV and the first thing I did in the mornings would be looking in the mirror. Not only did I survive without these things, I thrived without them. Meals tasted so much nicer when it was shared with others, my brain felt so much nicer when I was oblivious to my appearance, the list goes on. Even in the blackout where the multiple days of rain had lead to no light or power, the product of it lead to connection and laughter.

Interacting with new people has never been my forte in life. I get so in my head and worked up about how they’ll perceive me that it’s easier to just avoid it. The year of discomfort has lead to a major increase in confidence, but I still felt immense worry about meeting new people before going away - especially in a whole new country. Nevertheless, the experience reiterated just how wonderful people are. I feel like an outsider in the world due to my past experiences most of the time, but I learnt that people are just people, just like I am. They have passions and talents, but also pain and trauma. These people had once been strangers, but over time, conversations became more vulnerable and the laughter became louder. Following on, I am someone who feels a need to explain the ‘why’ behind everything I do. As though I need to justify everything - why I am the way I am, or the things I do and the reasons behind the goals to avoid the potential humiliation I may be met with. It really isn’t that deep though. I know those that are valuable in my life are those that accept what they see at face value and I don’t actually need share all the reasonings behind the person I am just so that I can avoid the discomfort of judgement. Unapologetic authenticity is an exquisite thing.

Patience and perseverance are game changers. I ‘thrive’ when things are constantly moving and I’m always chasing the next step but in most experiences I was shown that not only is it good to wait it out at times, it’s good to slow down. I came into it with such little knowledge of off grid living, but through learning, making mistakes and keeping on going, incredible things were be achieved. Making fires were often a long process of waiting and when I’d be rushing due to the unnecessary hurry my brain had created it meant it would end up being a longer process.  The fire couldn’t be sustained or I’d forget that it does indeed make things hot which leading to my fingers being burnt many a time. My biggest lesson with making fire - if you add a bunch of logs because you’re worried about it going out, they will actually catch flame and you’ll end up with a cabin so hot that you have to stand outside in your underwear at 1am despite the freezing cold temperatures at night. Overall, patience works wonders.

I learnt that my brain is actually the biggest barrier to my freedom. It isn’t where I live or the people I surround myself with, it’s myself continuously catastrophizing over the worst case scenario. As wonderful as the experience was, it was also an incredibly difficult trip at times for my brain. The tranquillity of the environment meant I had to feel all the emotions without an escape - AGHHHHH. But, that afternoon when I cried to the wall for an hour, I said to myself ‘I am allowed to hurt’. It was a realisation that gave me a boost in accepting the person I am. I am allowed to be angry and I don’t need to instantly find a fix to it to avoid the pain of feeling it - ‘short term pain for long term gain as the saying goes’. Before going on the trip, I wrote a journal entry all about feeling it, and as much as I wanted to claw my brain out at times, I did just that. I let myself feel it and the relief of doing so served benefit. Slowing down and letting myself breathe is something I’m hoping to continue as I return to the chaos of society. The mornings spent staring into the abyss lead to new ideas, past reflections and blossoming creativity.

One of my biggest realisations whilst there was realising that no matter what, I can’t control the future. The fragility within life terrifies me, I experienced first hand that despite all the dreams and the joy you have within life - it can all suddenly come crumbling down. Because of this, I plan every minuscule detail to avoid the failures and the loss of whatever the event may be. See, if I want something in life, instead of doing it, I think about all the different ways it will affect me - and in doing so, I prevent myself from making it happen - despite all of the joy it may bring to me. Through letting myself feel it, I realised that as painful as it may be, it’s all okay in the end and that the bad things shouldn’t be feared. Thats what life is - a journey of wonderful experiences with immense joy, times of heartbreak and overwhelming sadness and also moments of mundane. What matters is experiencing it all and doing the things that make your soul bloom with joy, regardless of what the outcome may be.

My perspective of food changed a lot whilst I was there. As I briefly mentioned during this series of posts, I battled anorexia severely throughout my teenage years and it has resulted in a very warped view of what food is. The meals shared whilst being there was something that nourished my soul, my body and my views on eating. Having such an incredible vegan chef as the host definitely helped the matter - I learnt that pumpkins can be made into literally anything and that they’re actually really yummy, I realised that flavour other than salt in the food makes it 10000x times nicer, eating breakfast is a game changer and that cooking vegan food is a skill that I don’t posses - which is why the only thing I would make for myself was porridge!

As you can see, I learnt so much throughout my trip, don’t be fooled - there were many more discoveries but I won’t bore you any more. However, my biggest realisation was seeing how much beauty surrounds us - you just have to look for it. Now I know that I am saying this having been surrounded by the utterly breathtaking sights within the mountains - the paths covered in glistening crystals, the whispers of the trees in the breeze, the night skies that revealed trillions of luminous stars, the ethereal moss and lichen that covered the rocks… the list goes on. But even this morning as I walked outside of my house and down the street surrounded by buildings and blaring cars driving past, I noticed the unique patterns of the tree bark and colours of the leaves that scattered the pavements that had been shed as the barren trees prepared for a time of renewal. The wonders of the world are always there, you just have to open your eyes to see them.

I came back proud of myself for proving to myself that I can do hard things - even when it’s not just as a fight for survival.